On April 30, 1789, George Washington swore in at the first presidential inauguration while placing his hand on the Bible, opened to Deuteronomy, chapter 28. The theme of this passage is a principle that can be applied to all areas of life: Obedience brings the blessing and disobedience the curse. Washington understood that this same principle applies to both individuals and nations. When asked to what she owed her son’s success, Washington’s mother replied, "I owe it to his habit of obedience."

Every parent is keenly aware of the importance of obedience. Teaching children to obey can mean the difference between success and failure; maybe life and death. I am reminded of a child that was killed while running between parked cars into oncoming traffic, ignoring the call of his parent. Learning to obey can truly be life-saving.

In order to better train my children to obey, I use what I call the "Three Steps of Obedience."

Step 1 – Look and Listen – The child should give his full attention to the parent with both his eyes and ears. This involves the two most stimulated senses so that the parent knows that he has the child’s attention.

Step 2 – Say "Yes Sir/Ma’am" – This involves the spoken word. The child is acknowledging that he has heard the parent and that he intends to obey. It is very important that there is a verbal response because the tongue is much like the rudder of a ship. There is a 99% better chance that obedience will follow when there is a verbal consent.

Step 3 – Do it Right Away – Delayed obedience is disobedience. Partial obedience is disobedience. Compliance with a bad attitude (whining, pouting, stomping feet) is disobedience. The task done agreeably, completely, and in a timely manner is true obedience.

I teach and constantly review these steps with my children. I believe that these three steps provide a good understanding of what obedience looks like. In this way my children know what is expected of them when I issue a directive. When they follow the steps, compliance is that much easier, giving them a better chance to succeed.

Parents should avoid the pressure to feel like they have to explain everything. If I tell my sons to clean their room, I would not expect them to ask, "Why?" There is not a step for "explaining" in the steps to obedience because true obedience requires no explanation. When my children try to either argue a point or ask for an explanation, I simply remind them they are not having an obedient attitude and repeat my expectation. Sometimes it is good to offer an explanation, but children should understand that an explanation is not required in order for them to obey.

What else can I do to instill in my children a habit of obedience?

It is easier to learn a task when not in crisis. A parent can better help his children obey by taking time to train them before obedience is critical or the moment inconvenient. For example, I might require my child to "come" while at home for no other reason than to train him to obey the command. Don’t wait until you are shopping to teach your child to stay by your side. It is very frustrating for parent and child when obedience is only expected in public places. If a child is not required to sit still at the table for a meal at home, why would he expect to do so when at a restaurant? Parents that take the time to train will be more consistent with their children.

Clear expectations help to eliminate confusion. Most children want to please their parents and when they are sure of the expectation, they can excel in the task. Instead of telling a child to go clean their room, be more specific: "please take your clothes to the hamper, make your bed and put your toys in the basket." A parent’s request of a child should be age appropriate and within his ability. Small children can only remember one request at a time.

Another way to help children know the blessing of obedience is by being considerate of their time. A parent can honor his child’s time with the courtesy of a five minute warning. For example, if the children are playing at the playground, the parent may advise the children that they have five minutes to finish their play before it is time to go. The parent should then comply with his own warning and not extend the play time.

It is also a good idea to have some type of process by which a child may appeal when given instructions. The appeal process can be a means by which a child might share important information and at the same time continue in an attitude of obedience. Example: Michael is cleaning up his room at Dad’s request when Mom calls him to set the table. He asks Mom, "May I please appeal?" Mom may either choose to grant the appeal and listen to what additional information Michael has to offer ("Dad asked me to clean my room"), or deny the appeal and ask Michael to go ahead and set the table. In our home, the right to appeal is granted only when there is a habit of obedience. A child should not get in the habit of appealing every command simply to try to avoid obeying.

When a child does not obey, there needs to be some form of consequence – chastisement or other. Consequences should vary considering the age of the children and the severity of the offense. How to handle consequences goes beyond the scope of this article.

Forming the habit of obedience is a constant journey. Sometimes I do great. Other times, I fail. Either way, I continue to lift high a standard of obedience. Obedience brings the blessing and disobedience the curse. I want my children to be blessed.